On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize