So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
