First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize