the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
