I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
