The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
