Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
