o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
