actually, I'm a sock model
i think my tv is drunk
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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