My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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