Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
