I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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