Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
