im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
