That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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