I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
