So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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