You're earring is so big in my mouth
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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