new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
