My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
