Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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