hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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