the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
