do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
