I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
