Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My penis needs a shock collar
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
