We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Come on in and take your pants off
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