I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
