Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
