Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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