just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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