Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
