I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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