I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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