My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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