i permit you to call me
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Sorry about my life...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
