just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
