Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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