We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
