Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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