dude i'm inner monologue high
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
