I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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