Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
we're so committed to being not committed
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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