if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize