M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
