Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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