dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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