i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Randomize
