Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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