made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I want to fling myself into the sun
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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