I feel like I'm in dance class right now
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
