I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
