well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
