i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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