If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
