it wasn't lemon gatorade
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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