youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
