I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I need water and some morals
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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