Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
