one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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