just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
