Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
